Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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