just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We talked him into tasing himself.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
