God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
