so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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