My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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