He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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