cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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