What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
