I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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