hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
