I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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