you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
