I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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