i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
