Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
