I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
