I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
