dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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