idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
