The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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