we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize