Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
