Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't put those talents on a resume
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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