he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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