When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
