shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
