After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am one with the molecules
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
