i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
In America we eat man semen.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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