she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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