I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
