Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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