Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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