he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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