i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
