Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
