how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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