we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
