but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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