I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You have to summon your inner elephant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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