I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
