standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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