hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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