I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
