Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
