It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
