If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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