thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
