Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
