and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
