I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The Olympian is in my bed
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize