We're like a lot better than the average bears
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
