this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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