i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
