He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
