So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
