brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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