you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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