Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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