Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
