Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
