Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
