Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
