Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
