the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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