i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
