I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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