I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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