the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
