Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
