so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Can Purell be used as lube?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.