Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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