Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food