eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's like a pop up book from hell.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says