Wow word travels fast.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one