okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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