how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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