took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
