summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
