Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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