You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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