I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
