i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
