No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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