I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
