1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
