i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
