is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
