I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
