Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
